Sometimes I hate my big heart.
Have you ever taken a personality assessment? I did in high school but I haven't in sometime. Plus I know present day Ashlyn is a little different than high school Ashlyn. I recently decided to take one to see what my 5 strengths were. There was zero surprise when my first strength was revealed- empathy. And I knew that with being empathetic that also accounted for my emotions.
I've always been told I have a big heart. I've been told I can be a little dramatic at times. I've been told I find the good in people and that I love. And I love a lot.
When I was younger, I remember crying in movies. I cried when Mighty Joe Young was in the trailer and stuck his fingers out of the hole to wave at the little boy. I cried during Bambi...ok well who didn't cry during Bambi?! But I've found over the years I've gotten worse at watching movies. I would say I cry in 90% of the movies I watch. Yes, I cry a lot. I cry during the sad parts, and I cry from laughing so much. I cry when the characters get what they've been working towards- like in the movie We Bought a Zoo. I cried and my family made fun of me.
And I always cry when there is a "love" scene. You know, when they say the fairytale things to one another and you just know they're in love even though you really know it's all fake because it's a movie? Yeah, I cry. Heck I cried during Gnomeo and Juliet. YES I CRIED AT A STUPID LAWN GNOME MOVIE.
I'm a romantic sap.
Don't even get me started on weddings. I have yet to go to a wedding where I haven't cried. Even if I'm not that close to the bride, as soon as I see her walk down the aisle in that dress...oh, hand me the tissues! And then I try and look away and catch a glimpse at the groom..and then the water works really start up.
Two and a half years ago I decided to adopt a pet hamster. I was living alone in a big city and wanted something that was easy to take care of. The day I brought home Lily, the hamster, I knew she had a short life to live. I knew hamsters didn't live that long. I always prayed that when it was her time to go someone would be there to help me bury her little body...because I knew I couldn't. Heck. I remember when I had fish and they all died. And I could not get rid of them. Just the thought. I couldn't do it. So many family always had to for me.
Back to Lily, I still took care of the little guy, well girl. I would buy her treats....sometimes talk to her.... my friend and I even gave her a nickname- Lilykins. When I moved to Lafayette Lily had to stay at my parents because I was too nervous about the 2 large dogs I was going to live with. So every time I was at my parents I would check on Lily.
This last time I was home I just had this weird feeling. It's so hard to explain. I just felt the need to check on Lily. So I did. And yes, her time was over. My heart was racing and I quickly realized I could not take care of her little fluffy body. I quickly texted my parents (I had to remind my dad who Lily was) and asked them if they could do it because I couldn't.
And cue the tears. Here I am, in my mid twenties, sobbing in my parents living room over a hamster. And I cried for half of the trip back to Lafayette..over a hamster..that I knew would only live a short life.
My problem? I'm pathetic. And wait till you hear this. I hoped Lily lived a full life. I hope that I was a good hamster mom and she appreciated everything I did. And yes, I do realize she was a rodent.
And that's why I sometimes hate my big stupid heart. I even care about tiny little animals so much that I cry over their burials.
I've always been told I have a big heart. I've been told I can be a little dramatic at times. I've been told I find the good in people and that I love. And I love a lot.
When I was younger, I remember crying in movies. I cried when Mighty Joe Young was in the trailer and stuck his fingers out of the hole to wave at the little boy. I cried during Bambi...ok well who didn't cry during Bambi?! But I've found over the years I've gotten worse at watching movies. I would say I cry in 90% of the movies I watch. Yes, I cry a lot. I cry during the sad parts, and I cry from laughing so much. I cry when the characters get what they've been working towards- like in the movie We Bought a Zoo. I cried and my family made fun of me.
And I always cry when there is a "love" scene. You know, when they say the fairytale things to one another and you just know they're in love even though you really know it's all fake because it's a movie? Yeah, I cry. Heck I cried during Gnomeo and Juliet. YES I CRIED AT A STUPID LAWN GNOME MOVIE.
I'm a romantic sap.
Don't even get me started on weddings. I have yet to go to a wedding where I haven't cried. Even if I'm not that close to the bride, as soon as I see her walk down the aisle in that dress...oh, hand me the tissues! And then I try and look away and catch a glimpse at the groom..and then the water works really start up.
Two and a half years ago I decided to adopt a pet hamster. I was living alone in a big city and wanted something that was easy to take care of. The day I brought home Lily, the hamster, I knew she had a short life to live. I knew hamsters didn't live that long. I always prayed that when it was her time to go someone would be there to help me bury her little body...because I knew I couldn't. Heck. I remember when I had fish and they all died. And I could not get rid of them. Just the thought. I couldn't do it. So many family always had to for me.
Back to Lily, I still took care of the little guy, well girl. I would buy her treats....sometimes talk to her.... my friend and I even gave her a nickname- Lilykins. When I moved to Lafayette Lily had to stay at my parents because I was too nervous about the 2 large dogs I was going to live with. So every time I was at my parents I would check on Lily.
This last time I was home I just had this weird feeling. It's so hard to explain. I just felt the need to check on Lily. So I did. And yes, her time was over. My heart was racing and I quickly realized I could not take care of her little fluffy body. I quickly texted my parents (I had to remind my dad who Lily was) and asked them if they could do it because I couldn't.
And cue the tears. Here I am, in my mid twenties, sobbing in my parents living room over a hamster. And I cried for half of the trip back to Lafayette..over a hamster..that I knew would only live a short life.
My problem? I'm pathetic. And wait till you hear this. I hoped Lily lived a full life. I hope that I was a good hamster mom and she appreciated everything I did. And yes, I do realize she was a rodent.
And that's why I sometimes hate my big stupid heart. I even care about tiny little animals so much that I cry over their burials.
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